Becoming a Man(re-written)
by Sakura33himE
Summary: AU. Ping and Mulan are twins. Ping is the one who goes off to war in order to save their father from certain death, however Ping himself isn't likely to survive as he does not have the body of a healthy young man. With only the courage to save his loved ones from heartbreak he leaves the safety of home. Through his fight to stay alive long enough to die on a battle field he catches


**HI! Sorry for the long wait, but I've come back around to this little story and I had to reread and rewrite just a little bit. If you've read this before, please read again, its not very different but some things have changed. I will update chapter two very soon, so please forgive me for the long wait.**

 **Enjoy! and thank you!**

* * *

 **C** **hapter one; Sacrifices and Courage**

The morning sun was lighting the sky with shades of violet and pink against the gentle blue of the sky, its soft golden rays shinning through the fresh blooming sakura tree blossoms. Their private little garden by the pond was Ping's favorite spot. Perhaps it was because he was forced, due to his health, to spend quiet time outside as often as he could; however, over the years he enjoyed it immensely. And on this particular morning he wanted to wait by himself for his sister to return. It was a very important, very special day, for both Mulan and the whole family.

All of the eligible maidens of the city were getting dressed in formal wear to go see the matchmaker, who would interview them and quiz them for potential matches of marriage. Though his sister was not the kind of girl who would just sit around waiting for a man to pick her, the impression she would make with the matchmaker would either raise her standing or ruin her completely. Ping knew she was a little odd compared to other girls of the city, but she was a kind warmhearted young woman and any man would be lucky to call her wife. He hoped she would fare well enough.

Ping knew Mulan well enough to see the worry in her face early that morning when she left, walking behind their mother, but he assured her she would be great. He loved her the most out of his whole family and knew she would find a man worthy of the smart independent woman she was. After all she was the better out of the two of them, where as Ping and his sickness brought burden on his whole family. Though, through all their lives, Mulan had always stood up, took care of, and been more kind than anyone ever had. The bond they had would never break, Ping had always thought that to be true.

Ping sat on the stone carved for a while longer, watching the sun shine brighter and higher through the sakura blossoms, hoping and rubbing the fabric of his robe smooth to the touch. His heart beat wildly in his chest as he heard Mulan's horses', Khan's, hooves clicking on the stone path leading from their entrance gate into the Fa estate. He knew Mulan and their mother would be coming straight into the house, which the garden sit directly behind so Ping could meet his beloved twin half way and congratulate her on doing well. Or so was his hope.

He saw his twin walking through the circle arched gateway, and saw that her face was solemnly hung. Ping stood immediately filled with worry, and that worry only grew when Mulan did not even look up to meet his eyes as she made her way to the temple just behind him on the path.

"Mulan..?" Ping found his volume came barely above a whisper. He fallowed slowly after her and found her kneeling in front of the ancestral tomes. "Mulan?" He beckoned her to speak.

Mulan sighed, and as her voice trembled he could hear the tears. His heart clenched. Though his beloved twin was a strong women, far stronger than he was most of the time, she was still a young women with a heart of gold.

"I failed, Ping. I've ruined everything.." Mulan spoke without looking up to her brother, tears falling to the stone floor.

Ping frowned and knelt beside her. Mulan's hair had fallen out of the ribbon that tied it and most of her make-up had been rubbed off with the sleeve of her dress. Through their whole lives they'd barely been apart a couple hours, so after 19 years Ping knew her well. Taking her right hand in his left they sat their in melancholic silence. He knew all she needed was company.

After what Ping felt like was more than enough silence he attempted to cheer up his sister, even though through all their years together it was usually Mulan trying to lift Ping's spirits.

"You're too good for anyone here, anyway.." Was all he could think to say as he watched her reflection in the perfectly polished marble.

"It's really bad this time Ping… I've dishonored the family..and father." Ping could feel her hurt, as her voice trembled with the tears that silently fell. It tore him apart inside to see her this way. Though Mulan was not a big fan of getting married to someone she barely knew, as she had made plainly clear in these last few months, there was nothing more she loved than her family. Of course she would feel this way if the matchmaking interview went badly, but Ping did not think it should reflect horribly forever.

"I don't think father could ever be angry, or dissapointed, with you. He loves you, and you're his treasure. You are smart, courageous, sweet, and sometimes a little clumsy. You're nothing like me, you speak your mind and you don't let anyone bring you down. I love exactly who you are and I would never want you to change, you are more than any man in this village deserves." Ping gripped her hand tightly and turned to smile at his twin. "We'll just have to look else where when you're ready to get married."

Mulan smiled back and wiped her tears with her free hand. "Thank you Ping, but I'm not sure this time.." Though she kept a smile on her face he could see that it didn't reach her eyes. Without another word, together they stood and headed back to the house still hand in hand.

They made their way back inside and found their father waiting for them, though he said nothing Ping could tell his father was not upset with Mulan. Ping never once doubted his father's love for his twin, she was the pride of his life; whereas Ping was not what his father had hoped to have in a son. Mulan let go of his hand and made her way to the kitchen where she would help their mother make lunch for the rest of them. Ping made his way to the sitting room, which on looked the sakura garden, where he normally spent most of his time keeping his grandmother company.

His grandmother, his father's mother, was busy playing mahjong by herself per usual at the center wooden table. Nearer the open paper door there was Ping's spot; a small wooden desk of sorts, he would sit here almost all day with parchment, ink, and a brush. Ping made a lot of decorative calligraphy, poems, verses, proverbs, ect. Most of them hung around the house but some of them were sold around to people throughout the city, only for a simple coin but Ping saved what he could for the medicines that he needed as they could get quite expensive.

When Ping and Mulan were very young they were playing rather roughly around the house, Ping could remember it as a happy moment with his twin, but somehow they'd knocked over an oil light from the table and set part of the house on fire. The fire was put out before the whole estate was caught in the flame, but Mulan and Ping were hiding from the fire thinking they were safe when part of the home collapsed. Ping could only remember pushing his sister out of the way before darkness. His mother was the one to find him, caught under the burning wood support, and ever since Ping has had many health problems. A fourth of his small body had been touched and burned by the flames, his shoulder squished, and his lungs filled with smoke. Though the burn wounds healed it left ugly scars on large portions of his back, shoulder and some of his chest; the true problems were with his shoulder, which was never the same again and his lungs massively weakened. It took him many months to recover and even with years behind him, his injuries have brought on many more problems. So he stays indoors, tries his best to help when he can but never pushes himself for if he ever falls ill it is a giant hindrance to his family.

Though he had never said this to anyone, there were many times he has thought it would have been better for his family had he just died in the fire. Perhaps if he had things would not be so hard on them as they were. Though the Fa estate was a home owned through many generations on his father's side, and although his father had once been a great war hero in his younger years; the last couple of years had been harsh on everyone. Making things hard to keep going on the expenses it costed.

Ping hated being an added burden on those he loved so much.

The rest of the day passed in silent melancholia. Ping stayed out of the way as best he could, as he did each day, helping when asked and staying silent about the constant ache in his shoulder. But as the sun rolled across the sky he could feel the uneasy tension and saddness in the air. The only one who seem unaffected was his grandmother. She seemed the only other one, besides Ping, who understood Mulan's desire for a greater life than being just a wife.

Ping could see his mother was sad, for she knew what sort of life women of this small city lived, and if Mulan wasn't married soon things would get so much worse. And even though Ping could never see eye to eye with his father he could see that the man did not like his beloved daughter in so much emotional pain.

Their solemn silence was broken by the echo of a loud gong. Everyone perked from their tasks in uncertainty. Ping had never heard this sort of alarm before and knew not what it meant. His grandmother motioned him to stay put and she and his mother stepped out to fallow his father to the gates of their estate. A moment later he saw Mulan fallow after them, even though he knew they both were supposed to stay inside.

Sliding his feet on the bamboo-matt he stood up leaving his brush were it lay on the wooden desk and fallowed after his twin.

Stepping out just as his father passed through the front gates, fallowed by their mother, Ping saw Mulan standing with their grandmother. A few quick steps and he stood just behind them.

"Can't we go to see what's happening?" Mulan asked in a hushed whisper. Ping could only assume she'd been told to wait.

"Well.." Their grandmother started. "If one was to crawl over the gate when I wasn't looking I don't think I'd be able to stop her." She winked at Mulan, for the three of them knew Ping could never crawl over the gate wall with his shoulder the way it was.

Not a moment later and Mulan was crawling, despite her long dress, over the stone wall and disappeared from Ping's site. He sighed, a deep nervous breath.

Even behind the wall, and with the town square being a short walk away he could still hear loud voiced echoing through the streets. Ping tried to strain his ears to catch and one word or even a name, but he could hear nothing.

It was many minutes later that Ping watched as his father walked back through the gates, not holding his cane but a scroll, and Mulan looking even more dejected than before. His heart lurched with worry.

No words were spoken as everyone fallowed his father back inside. Ping did not have a chance to question Mulan after they were inside either as she walked off. Ping knew when she needed her peace to collect herself, so he did not chase her.

The dinner table was as silent as the dead as dishes were placed in the ceremonial placements in front of each member, his father was the first to begin. Ping had gotten a few words out of his grandmother, who had spoken a quick word with his mother. It was a conscription notice that his father had in his hand. Each family had to loose a male member, order by the emperor. But that was all he could find out.

"You shouldn't have to go! There are plenty of men to fight for china!" Mulan's sudden outburst shocked everyone except their father, who kept picking up tiny clumps of steamed white rice with his chopsticks. Her hands slamming onto the table had shocked Ping the most, who had squeaked in surprise as the porcelain plates clanked together.

"Mulan, sit down. Men are being conscripted into the army, and I am honored to fulfill my duty." His eyes drifted to Mulan who was still glaring at their father, she was concerned and Ping was as well but it was very unlike her to loose her temper. Especially at their father.

"But you've already served, and you could die out there!" Mulan threw her hand into the air showing just how desperately she was trying to convince their father to not go, for it would be unlikely that he would ever come back. Finally their father stood, not willing to tolerate Mulan's out burst any longer.

"I will die doing what is right! I know my place, it is time you learned yours!" Mulan gaped at their father who hardly ever raised his voice to her, his favorite child.

Calmly he sat back down and continued eating as though the converstaion had never been started, but Mulan shock was still painted on her face as she stepped away from the table and stormed her way out onto the porch that circled their whole estate. The rest of Ping's family stayed silent and after a moment passed his mother and grandmother continued eating as their father was. Ping could still not bring himself to eat even a bite.

Of course Mulan was upset, she loved their father more than anything and they had a close relationship. If he were to die in the army fighting to protect them it would break both his sister and mother. Without his father, the man who provided and held the whole house together, everything would fall apart. Ping didn't like the way this was feeling, and he couldn't let Mulan worry alone. Sighing he looked to his father who glanced at him then nodded allowing him to leave the table without either of them speaking actual words.

Fallowing the way he'd seen his twin flee, Ping found her sitting in the crook of the stone dragon's feet.

When they were young children, each time Mulan was upset she would come running to the dragon for a place to hide, so even now it had not been hard to find his twin curled up as she was.

"Mulan, talk to me." He spoke softly and leaned slightly against the stone arms of the dragon and peeked at her from beyond the curtain her hair had made. Mulan kept her eyes glued to the ground.

"Its unfair and unsafe. He's too old to go, Ping. He wont survive." Mulan's voice held a certain forlorn-worry note to it and Ping started to feel sad as well.

"We are all worried about him, Mulan." Ping attempted to console her, but he wasn't really sure what to say as a painful saddness began to fill him as well. "But what can we do? If there is going to be a war.." Ping didn't even finish the sentence, for they both knew if there was one and their father did not answer a proclamation summons by the emperor himself then he would be found and imprisoned for the rest of his life. Which would be worse than having him die in battle.

They stayed there in silence for a moment, and Ping looked up to the darkening sky as the sun set and the stars began to twinkle against the black blanket that was the coming night. Without their father what would become of them? Then a thought blinked into his mind as if it was a star twinkling in the night sky.

"Mulan...What if it wasn't father who left?" Ping kept his eyes upturned to the stars, and for a moment Mulan said nothing and he almost wondered if he hadn't actually said it out loud, but then she spoke.

"Wait, you mean if you went instead?" A knew shocked worry sounded in her voice. She moved out from the dragon's perch and stood in front of Ping looking directly at him. "There is no way that could work! You're too weak!" Her eyes sparkled with more concerned rage just as they had inside not moments ago. If anyone else had called him weak he might have taken offense but he knew Mulan would never mean it as an insult.

"I'm a better option than father." Ping continued as he watched energy seem to drain from Mulan as she noticed the resolve within him. Ping hardly made his mind up about anything, but when he did he was always one-hundred percent serious. "I'm not as important, and I take up valuable space and food." He could see she was about to yell at him in protest so he kept talking. "Going off to train in the army will keep me fed and clothed, and I'll have proper meals. It will be better than being a burden on all of you."

"You are not a burden! Not to me!" Mulan shouted but Ping reached out grabbing her hand to silence her shouting. He knew she loved him, and he thanked her every day in his heart. But he also knew she loved their father, and their bond was more important than his comfort.

"What other choice is there?" Ping smiled slightly to cover the nerves within him which wanted to make him go back inside and pretend he said nothing. He knew there was a chance he could be forced onto some battle field where he would definitely die, or that he could simply die in training due to lack of strength. Any number of possibilities could kill him before he reached a real battle. And although that thought scared him nearly to death, he never wanted to see Mulan cry over their father. She was his most precious family member and he would do everything he could to bring her happiness.

"There's no way I would be okay with this.." Mulan said, sadness swelling in her voice as she began to realize there were only two options from this point on and both meant loosing a family member. She clenched her hand tight around his and sighed before looking up at the sky. For a short moment they both gazed at the stars in silence. Then they silently walked back into their home to see their mother cleaning up the table and beginning to clean the dishes, Ping's dinner had been set aside.

Mulan made her way to their father and bowed in a silent apology. He smiled down at her and put his hand on her shoulder as if to say all was forgiven. Ping knew their father could never remain angry at his most beloved child. She was his treasure.

Ping informed his mother that he was not hungry and apologized for not eating her food, to which she smiled and stored it away for the next day. With each saying a proper goodnight, as thought it was a normal night, they each went off to bed.

Mulan and Ping shared a room from birth and never minded for one moment, though now there was a separation for privacy reasons as Mulan was a women who was ready to wed. But this still only meant a sliding paper door was built to be between them, and usually it stayed pushed against the wall. Mulan went behind her folding wall to get dressed in her night wear and Ping did the same, but he found himself standing at the small circle window once more looking at the stars. Mulan caught him looking and knew he was concerned about his daringly outrageous idea.

"Ping, it is a noble notion full of good intent, but you can't be seriously thinking about going in father's stead.." Her voice was quiet as to not be heard by their family as the walls were thin. He turned to see his sister already pushing back her blanket and getting in her bed, whereas he was still standing dressed in the day's clothes.

"Ping, I would hate to see you leave, and it would kill me to see our father leave as well. I know I can not get what I want, and I know the order can not be ignored. But I don't think I could stand loosing either of you. You're my family." Mulan spoke quietly before rolling over and covering herself up with the blanket. Ping knew she was giving him some sort of blessing or maybe some sort of encouragement. As honest and sad as her words were, they both knew their family could not survive without their father. It made him feel better that Mulan would cry to see him go, but that this would be the right thing to do.

However he still waited nearly an hour to make sure that the house was silent as everyone fell into quiet slumber before making his move. Quietly, as to not wake up Mulan, Ping got up from his bed, which he had only perched himself on as he waited, and walked with feet sliding along the floor to lessen the sound made. He slowly made his way to his parent's room, where the scroll was laying on the night stand by his father's side. He glanced at the two sleeping figures who were embracing each other even in sleep. Knowing his mother would miss him he knew she would be happier with her husband by her side, for she loved him very very much indeed.

Ping began to feel more at peace with this decision, knowing that his mother and sister would have peace of mind with their father home. Although it wasn't as if he was shunned or hated by his family he knew what hardships his condition had brought on to each one of them, and he wanted to give back for all those years they sacrificed time to take care of him. He only hoped it would work the way he needed it to.

In place of the scroll he put a letter, letting them know that he loved them all and hoped they would not hate him for what he was doing. To not try and come after him, and to enjoy their time together, for that was the whole reason he was doing this.

Silently he made his way back the storage building attached to the back half of their home, where his father kept all his war memorabilia. His father's armor set, sword, and a few other noted things were kept safely in an old wardrobe towards the back. Many times as a young child Ping had come back here to admire it hoping one day his father would give it to him, but then his mother would explain that his injuries would prevent him from ever doing anything that called for such strenuous activity. As a young boy he did not understand, but as he grew older and found that his weak lungs prevented him from running and playing with the other boys he knew what she was trying to kindly tell him.

Ping noticed, now that the wardrobe was open and he was looking at the set of armor and the sword, that even after all the years it has sat here alone without being used that there was not one spec of dust. He momentarily wondered if this was his mother's doing, if all this time she had been cleaning it each and every day. She always did seem proud of his father's part played in their country, as she often told them tales when they were children. Ping never knew which ones were true and which ones she had exaggerated for their amusement, but he had always enjoyed them as a young boy.

As silently as he could he undressed to his bare undergarments and then proceeded to armor up. The dark green and black set was obviously too big for his rather skinny frame and it was much more difficult to tie it all by himself then he expected, but nevertheless he managed somehow. Fully dressed and finding it a little harder to be as quiet he left the house out the back entrance and headed to the barn. He needed to get to the camp quickly and the horse his family owned was the best way.

Although it was Mulan's job to take care of Khan, and she often rode him, Ping had spent his time brushing and tending to the horse as well – on the days he felt well. So he'd built up a relation to the beast and was quite fond of the black and white beauty.

Upon entering the barn and approaching Khan, the horse was spooked for it did not recognize Ping. But Ping slowly calmed him down and patted his head kindly.

"I need a favor Khan.." Ping whispered to probably his only friend aside from his sister. "I need you to take me somewhere, and its possible we wont ever be back." Ping found himself saying as a nervous fear grew within him. Yes, his mind was set, but now that he was actually fallowing through he could not help this dread welling up inside him. He was afraid of death, especially a painful one. For a moment he rested his head on Khan's side and listened to the steady beat of the horse's heart, once he was calm enough he eased the saddle onto the horses back, then pulled himself up – with the help of a nearby stool.

Trotting out of the stables they pushed their way out of the closed gates and headed out of his home for what could be forever. He hoped he would come back, but the chances were unlikely and he would more likely die on his own. However, he did what he could to push those thoughts out of his mind as he held onto the reins and let Khan lead him out of the small city he had always called home.

It was going to be a very long night of riding as he headed to the army camp. He wasn't completely sure where it was, but he knew that the west road would take him most of the way.

Being on horseback in full armor for most of the night was far more horribly exhausting than Ping could have ever imagined. His hands were not used to the rough leather of the reins and his legs were sore from gripping Khan's back so tightly. His backside was growing sore and his chest felt heavy with each labored breath he took as Khan ran down the west road.

Some hours later the road became less noticeable and Khan slowed, the slower pace easing some of his pains but he needed to get off and rest. He pulled Khan to the side and the black beast lead them to a small flat little clearing between the bamboo.

Ping, clumsily slipped off the saddle and pulled out the napsac that was part of the saddle set. Laying it down on the soft grass he then began to take the heavy chest piece of armor off. Khan must have been tired too for he knelt down and laid on his belly, legs tucked under him and rested his head on the dirt. Ping felt bad that he made even a horse feel tiredness, but he was too exhausted to speak out loud. Quickly he laid on the sac and pulled the blanket that was shoved in the sac as well and wrapped it around himself.

It would be a few more hours before sunrise and he needed rest. Not a moment later, after his eyes closed, he fell fast into sleep.

* * *

 **Chapter one: End**

 **chapter two will come soon**


End file.
